Two years of high and low

Somehow today it dawn on me. Its almost two years since I started leading the prayers at the nearby 'surau'. Off course I don't do it five times a day, everyday because I was working but every time I'm there, ninety five percent of the time I will be the Imam. The five percent is because whenever there's a guest speaker, I will let him take the lead. Its been two years of high and low. There have been times when I wanted to give up because I was making too many mistakes. As a result, I lost all confidence, my heartbeat beating like the loudest drum, my voice crack while the mind goes blank such that I cannot even recite the simplest of verses. Sometimes I didn't go to the surau just to avoid having to lead the prayer. I took the easy way out by praying at home. However, there have been times when I did feel some peacefulness, my heartbeat normal and I can recite the verses without any hiccups. Nonetheless, through it all, the nervousness and the goosebumps in my stomach never left, even until today whenever I am leading the prayers. That has been the story of my Imam stint so far.