In sha Allah

Came back late from work tonight. Fulfilling an Iftar invitation. By the time I reached home, it was already ten past ten. After having my bath and doing the prayers, I rest the body and mind by watching TV. A family drama was showing on one of the channel. A family with problems, what else. Off course, as so often in the movies, they all came good in the end. It reminded me of my own situation. Only the ending is still to be known. 

This is the fourth Ramadhan I am spending without my four children and it is also going to be the fourth Raya I will be without them. Its a sad sad situation but not much I can do.......sigh.....It is out of my hand. I tried a few times to get them to join me for Iftar for just one day at least but they declined everytime. Busy I guess. Even on Hari Raya, they are still busy cause I never see their faces even though I am just half an hour's drive away. There are many other more important places to go perhaps. Sad to say, I am not expecting any different this coming Raya.

Despite that, I try not to take it too hard. I brush aside the deep feeling of pain that I feel inside of me. I try not to disappoint them whenever they need me. They are my children, will always be my children. Like all parents, I only want the best for them, even if the feeling is not mutual. I brought them up the best I can. Gave my all from the moment they were born, each of them. Perhaps I have failed them once but one swallow does not make a summer. I do my best, then, now and forever in sha Allah.

Anyway, life goes on. I am resign to the situation but Allah is great. Never lose faith in the grace of Allah the Quran says. Maybe one day, my ending would be the same as the drama I have just seen. In sha Allah!